I have 72 pictures on my laptop. I stole them from Jonny's mom's camera. He's not really all that fond of pictures...but somehow his mom manages to sneak a few in...
...or 72 of them.
I loaded them all on my computer the day before he left for Ripley...and I've looked at them every day since. Sometimes several times a day. Who am I kidding? Almost always several times a day. I miss him terribly, and he's not even gone yet.
It sounds so pathetic. Even more so, when you consider I'm wrapped up in a newly-sewn American flag blanket, wearing one of Jon's Army t-shirts that I haven't washed in two weeks. I'm sentimental...what can I say? But I guess sentimental (and possibly stinky) is better than crying and depressed...so I'll take it. This marks Day 3 of no tears, and that's a personal record over the past few months. And it's odd...because even though he's gone, we're closer than we've ever been. Does that make sense? If anything, you think I'd be crying more...and be more emotional and depressed than ever before. But this distance is bringing out the best in us...and him. He's texting as often as he can, and saying the sweetest things in the world.
It's the little things, and I feel so teeny-bopper-esque gushing about it, but I can't help it. It's what's re-assuring me that I'm absolutely making the right decision by sticking with him, and that he loves me just as much as I love him.
And for some odd reason, he's deciding to open up now (as opposed to a few weeks ago, when he self-admittedly was "mentally and emotionally shutting down.") It sounds trivial, but when I told him earlier today I was having a rough day at work, he told me "Time to leave there, baby." When I said, "I know. The search begins this weekend." He goes, "Where are we going?" You should have seen the smile on my face. Just a few weeks earlier, he told me he wasn't sure he wanted to leave Minnesota and leave this life behind. That statement came after months of telling me to "follow the money" and he'd follow close behind. The change in heart left me feeling insecure and unsure of myself and our relationship. Having him re-affirm that our love was enough for him to leave Minnesota...meant more to me than words can describe.
But words do a good job of making me happy too...like this exchange a half hour ago.
me: "Sleeping, babe?
him: "Yes lover, I am."
me: "Sleep texting? Impressive. Love you."
him: "Love you too. It's automatic texting you that I love you so much ;) so I can do it in my sleep. It's dream texting baby."
Cute, eh? Except he only got it half right. Because if it was a dream he wouldn't be sleeping in a bunk bed with 40 other grunts snoring around him...he'd be here with me...
God, I miss him.
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