Just Keep Swimming...

I think Nemo had it right.  I just need to keep swimming.  Not treading water.  Not fighting for air...not trying to keep my head above the water.

JUST SWIMMING.


I need to keep moving forward.  Quit overanalyzing.  Relax...and just be.  It isn't easy.  Actually...it's a daily struggle, but it's what he needs me to do...and what he deserves.

My Army Counselor friend said it best.

"Sarah, if you want this...you have to fight for it.  This isn't easy.  Nothing about this is easy.  But it isn't easy for him either.  He's literally going to work every day knowing that might not ever come back.  Name one other job that's like that.  You can't.  You can't imagine what it's like.  No one can.  But that's his reality.  That's his life.  He needs you now more than ever, he just can't say it.  If you love him, you need to ride this rollercoaster with him.  You need to fight for him.  You need to support him.  And you need to be strong enough to ignore every other non-military person that comes your way that tells you, 'You deserve better,' 'You're wasting your time,' 'He isn't worth it,' 'What are you doing?'  They don't get it.  They never will.  The Army is a way of life.  It's challenging, it's tough, it's trying...but it's worth it.  And if he's worth it - You need to fight for him."

So, that's what I'm doing. Fighting.  Every day.  Fighting to make it to the next day.  Fighting to weather the storm.  And fighting to focus on the positive.  Because it's there.

He called today and we talked for half an hour.  He gave me a pep talk for my job interview on Monday, and empowered me like you wouldn't believe.  He told me he still looks at all my pictures on Facebook, and ::gasp:: has all of my voicemails saved on his phone (and still listens to them).  He also said...multiple times how much he cared...and that things just weren't working right now (with a pretty heavy emphasis on the right now).  He also made it pretty clear that he isn't waiting until he gets home in June to see me, but plans on seeing me on his leave to sort things out...and if I can't come to Minnesota...he'll come to me, no matter where I end up.

All too often, the good outweighs the bad...I'm just so wrapped up in worry, I can't see it clearly.

I love him.  He's worth the fight.  I just need to keep on swimming...