These past few weeks have sucked. Absolutely sucked. I wish I could turn back the hands of time...I wish I could go back to May...back when I had a job...back before he left...do it all over and do it right this time. Focus less on forcing him to open up...focus less on my search for answers...and focus more on getting to know him...getting to know "us"...and showing him just how much I care. I want the chance to build a rock-solid, hurricane-proof foundation, capable of weathering any storm, and surviving deployment.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
I'm not sure what we are, or where we stand. Actually, let me rephrase. We're going to wait and see where we are in a year. There is no doubt that this will be the longest year of my life...because to me, nothing has changed. I still love him. I still want to be with him, and I still look at him as my better half, the love of my life, my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong...I have my guard up. I'm afraid of being hurt. Cautiously optimistic if you will...but still. I don't look at him as a stranger on the street...and I don't look at him as my "buddy". I'm trying to be the strong, silent type (uh...do you know me? That's easier said than done), but it's hard. I literally sit on my hands to stop myself from calling. For every text I send, there's a million more I wish I would have sent. ::sigh:: It's a daily struggle. I just wish I could turn back time. Go back to when we were falling for each other and not falling apart. I want my boyfriend back.
June of 2012 can't get here soon enough...
No comments:
Post a Comment